It's been a year...?

Exactly one year ago today.... Four tornadoes touched down in my city. I remember it clear like it was yesterday. I was sitting at my dads girlfriend's friends house to babysit her four boys. We were just all outside playing. Then the scream of the horns went off. We all ran to the house... seconds later we had the neighbors in the basement because we were the only house with a basement on that street. I remember holding the boys and praying for my boyfriend and family to be safe. It hit the house... everyone in that basement screamed and held tight to the basement poles. It's something that most people never think would happened but did. As fast as it came it was gone again. I called my boyfriend only to get his roommate answer the phone to tell me he was getting dug out of the trailer and the house that it was thrown into. My heart stopped dead. I called my mom, dad, and the mother of the four boys and told them  I had to go. I booked it to the hospital and ran through it to find my boyfriend.  No one died on that day... the only one who was seriously hurt was the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Now we are almost cleaning up the damage from that day. I am just glad that I still have him in my life and that I lost no one:) I just hope I never have to go through it again.  

Secrets that should never come out...

Ever had a deep dark secret that you don't  want anyone to ever know? I had a deep dark secret but a person who was apart of it opened their big mouth and now the whole school knows about it. Problem with this one some one might go to jail because of it. I just don't understand why people do this, I mean everyone wants to hurt some one. I am not a popular student in this school. In fact I am far from it. It just makes no since to me at all. Human nature is sick and disappointing at times and that's all I have to say but their are times when its magical. Life is a war of Love vs. Hate that one side never seems to win. Did our creator make us this way just out on a whim or for a test? Everyone has heard about December 24th of 2012 and how the world is going to end on that on and only day. We believe anything that anyone we may trust say just because they have power and most of us don't. Government has secrets they hide from us and we still trust their work. Why is that? You look at any country and their government and its the same thing no matter what. I would love to know what really goes on. Secrets that are hidden from others that look up to you is not the best choice. For me secrets hurt but this one I just wanted to go away and leave but its out and around and I can't stop it. In school you have the Preps, Goths, Rednecks, hiphops, Drama Group, Band Geeks, Techpeeps, Skaters, Druggies/stoners, auto/tech ed grads and the floaters which go into more then one group. When you live in a town less then 10,000 people word spreads fast and you get noted as that person who did "that".
I will never understand why we hurt each other or how we can do it and live with it forever.

Wrong or just human Nature?

What did I go and get myself into? When people you love and care about just get up and leave you alone, you do things you regret completely everything you do. Its only when you get to see them again that you see your wrong doing and change it as best as you can. I been called a lot and peoples words hurt and I don't think that they see your hurt. I think that why we have so much hate is because people do it to make themselves feel better. I never really understand why we do it... I guess its what makes us human. We hurt and kill for fun or to show our strength instead of how weak we really are.
Is this what life is always gonna be like? I mean we had a school shooting that was stopped because of what people here in my town has done to him and put him through. Why are we this way? If anyone had the answer I am sure life would be easier then this. We have it all based on race, gender, what someone believes are, and what they think is the right way. Everyone wants to be right and never wrong and when someone tells you are wrong you get angry at them and hate them.
You stay alone in life and you get in tight spots and do things you regret and that can hurt you. When my parents got a divorce, my boyfriend moved, and after I watched my very dear friend die.... I started to smoke and drink. I admit to sleeping around with a few guys because I lost that since of love that was in my life and I felt like I had to fill that hole in my heart. What I ended up doing was flushing my dreams down the toilet and had a lot of that on my back and I still do. I get dirty looks walking down the hall and in classes everyday. It made me feel like a piece of trash.
I can't take any of it back. I can't hit the rewind button and redo it. It is stuck with me forever. Truth is everyone makes a wrong choice here and there, sometimes its a big or its small. I lost my parents trust and ended up being sexually assaulted because of my choices. If I had a chance to redo it all I would and change it all but fact is I can't.